7:00 am – Wake up, my mind full of possibilities and spectacular worlds to create and explore.
7:15 am – Dress toddler for daycare. This routine is similar to putting clothes on a kitchen garbage bag full of gelatin as it screams and tries to run away from you.
7:30 am – After what seems like hours, the wife and toddler finally leave the house.
9:30 am – Wake up, groggy and unsure who I am, after not knowing I fell back asleep.
9:45 am – Eat breakfast while reading emails, blogs, and Facebook as “inspiration” and “research” and a “stall tactic.”
10:00 am – Take a brisk shower to get the creative juices flowing (not a euphemism).
10:30 am – Browse the web for newest Jake and the Fatman cosplay pictures.
11:00 am – Type as fast as I can, screaming the whole time.
11:10 am – Break Time!
12:00 pm – Eat lunch and catch up on episodes of Gossip Girl.
1:30 pm – Practice my signature for book signings.
2:00 pm – Struck by inspiration and a renewed determination to write!
2:05 pm – Daydream about what the cover of my finished book will look like.
3:30 pm – Try to beat that pesky level of Angry Birds I’ve been stuck on for so long.
3:45 pm – Lie in empty bathtub sobbing (not a euphemism).
4:00 pm – Type as fast as I can, for as long as I can.
4:10 pm – Wake up from passing out.
4:15 pm – Break Time!
5:30 pm – Wife and toddler come home. I panic.
6:00 pm – Feed dinner to toddler. This routine is similar to feeding a kitchen garbage bag full of gelatin as it screams and tries to run away from you.
6:30 pm – Watch the same episode of Dora the Explorer we’ve seen 7 MILLION TIMES!
8:00 pm – Put toddler to sleep. Watch some TV and drink heavily as a reward for not killing my child.
10:00 pm – Make some notes about writing to work on tomorrow.
11:00 pm – Fondle the fireman (euphemism).
1:00 am – Fall asleep as the greatest ideas known to mankind gently float into my head, to be quickly forgotten when the alarm goes off in the morning.